The Eighth Castaway
by Rainforestgoddess
Summary: Methos gets stranded on a desert island and relates the tale to Joe for the watcher chronicles.


From the Watcher files:  
  
I was sunburned and dying for a beer when I washed up on the shore. I dragged myself off the remaining bit of the ship I had been floating on. Who would have thought I'd be shipwrecked in this day and age? Just shows how capricious Poseidon can be. The sand was hot, but the jungle was ahead, so I crawled towards it. My lips were bleeding. I've never needed a beer more than I did that day- put that in your files, Joe.  
  
I felt the presence of another immortal. I'd lost my sword when the ship sank, and dehydrated as I was, I was as good as helpless.  
  
An offensively cheerful man with white hair offered me a hand up, calling for his "little buddy" to come help. What's that? Oh, I suppose it was just a term of endearment to his lover, I never heard anyone else call him that. Another presence. A younger man fell out of a shrub at our feet, the "little buddy". Why can't anyone just say "lover" anymore? I found out later his name was Gilligan. The clumsiest person I have ever met, mortal or immortal.  
  
They carried me deeper into the jungle along a path. I was surprised to sense the presence of more immortals. Hmm? Yes, seven in all. There was the cheerful man, they called him the Skipper, Gilligan, a pretentious older couple Thurston and Lovey Howell. I almost took their heads just so I wouldn't have to listen to their voices. Another man, only known as the Professor, and two women, the bizarrely overdressed Ginger, and the servant, Mary Anne.  
  
Where was I? Oh, yes. They carried me back to the village. The servant brought me water in a coconut shell. After I recovered, I asked them how long they had been immortal. They had no idea what I was talking about. Apparently, they had been marooned on the island forty years earlier - I figure they all drowned in the shipwreck. The fools never noticed that they weren't aging, healed quickly, and could survive on coconuts and mangoes. No, I'm not joking.  
  
In retrospect I should have left as soon as possible, but for some reason, I felt the need to educate them about the game. Stop laughing, I was having a MacLeod moment, I suppose. Hand me another beer. Thanks.  
  
******************************************************  
  
So, anyway, this professor, with something other than coconuts and sand to work with, he could have done amazing things. He managed to make decent swords out of banana leaves, bamboo and lacquer.  
  
You should have seen them practicing. Joe, if I could die, I swear I would have died laughing. The professor was too busy mutilating himself and studying the results to bother picking up the sword. The Howells got that look. power? For me? You could hear the gears grinding. Ginger was afraid to mess up her hair. The Skipper tried fairly earnestly, but Gilligan. he wreaked havoc all around. By the time I got the sword away from him, he had managed to knock down his hut, chop down a palm tree, and run me through. Yes, that's how I got the sword away. He was a menace! It took them the rest of the day to put the camp back together.  
  
Right, well, that night, all hell broke loose. I woke up to Ginger screaming, "This is for ignoring me for forty damn years, you cold bastard!" Exit one professor. The quickening blew up all the coconuts in the camp. I really didn't think that girl had it in her. Anyway, Gilligan started running back and forth, yelling. No, nothing in particular, just yelling. Ginger emerged, looking decidedly singed. Me? I climbed up a tree. I had a great view of the whole thing.  
  
Mary Anne realized what had happened, and took out Ginger - apparently she loved the professor as well. Gilligan was still running back and forth. No, I mean literally - like a tennis ball. The Skipper was calling for him. Just then, the Howell's hut blew up. Apparently he had enough of Lovey.  
  
Gilligan remembered his sword at this point. I was very glad I was up the tree. Hmm? Let's see. Gilligan and the Skipper - Thurston Howell and Mary Anne. Four were left. Mary Anne? She had crawled off into the jungle after she took Ginger's Quickening.  
  
Gilligan made a worse hash of it that night than he had done earlier. He was swinging so wildly, he cut off his own left foot. No, unfortunately, that didn't stop him. He hopped around on his other foot, swinging at anything that moved.  
  
Are you quite finished laughing?  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Well, Gilligan managed to poke the Skipper in the rear with his sword. No, not that sword. Behave, Joe. The Skipper had apparently had enough of Gilligan. "Forty years, and not once, did I get to be on top!" Quite amusing. He threatened to poke Gilligan in the rear with his sword. I know, I know.  
  
The Howell man managed to sneak up on the two of them during their lover's quarrel, and take the Skipper's head from behind. Quite unsportsmanlike, wouldn't you say? Gilligan's hat flew off during the Quickening, which distressed him to no end. He crawled across the clearing looking for it. The other man followed, sneaking up to take Gilligan's head.  
  
Third time in one night, he was quite greedy for power. Now here's the best part. Gilligan found his hat, grabbed it and stood up. Completely unintentionally, his sword swung wild, decapitating Mr. Howell, AND himself.  
  
No, I didn't get the Quickening, for which I am eternally grateful! I wouldn't want those fools running around inside my head for all eternity! Mary Anne stumbled out of the jungle just at that moment and tripped over the bodies. Mmm hmm. Got both Quickenings at once. Unfortunately, it was right under my tree. I ended up landing in a rubber dinghy that had just washed up on the beach. Seemed like a sign to me.  
  
Mary Anne? She's at my place, fixing coconut stew. I've developed quite a taste for it. 


End file.
